There’s a level of complexity in returning to the Seattle area that is a bit difficult to understand.  I don’t quite understand it myself.  The time I spent in Boston was very valuable and pivotal to growing into my “shoes” per se.  And now, in rough terms, I feel my growth is stunted.

In Boston, I cultivated a taste for the development and pursuance of knowledge.  With that came a resentment towards settling, stale thinking and the weak-willed.  That said, I dislike Seattle for not being a “powerhouse.”  While there certainly is large technology and healthcare industries here, compared to the government powerhouse of DC, the everything-powerhouse of NYC, the fashion/entertainment powerhouse of LA, or the academic/healthcare/biopharma/technology/banking/historic powerhouse of Boston, it’s not much to keep me interested.  I resent Seattle for having grown up in a tractable atmosphere.

To return to an environment that I feel does not push me to be better, smarter, stronger, it feels I’m in this latent state of mind that only creates anxiety but kills all motivation.  I feel almost beaten into being taciturn and obsequious.  I’m struggling to have it not define who I am, merely just the location of where I am.  I’m struggling to fend off its oppressiveness; it consumes me, takes away what I made myself to become.  A step back, a step down.  A step I don’t want to retake since I’ve made so much effort to get to where I fell.  It’s a constant reminder of where I come from, a reminder that leads to all this resentment.

I did meet a lot of fantastic, intelligent people, kept some fabulous close friends, and worked alongside brilliant and hilarious minds.  I learned that the straight roads in Boston are the product the city being filled in (e.g. Back Bay) and all winding, nonsensical roads are the old dirt paths from cows and such.  That Edgar Allan Poe was born somewhere in the Bay Village.  That the demonym for Cambridge is Cantabrigian and for Massachusetts is Bay Stater.

I know where to find mango habanero sorbet (effin awesome), an exceptional cup of coffee (by my standards) with fresh brioche, quirky independent films or a resurrection of oldies, the best effin beer in the whole area, nutella crepes, mouth watering burgers with fried jalapenos, crack-laced “San Francisco” style burritos, stunning tiramisu and 10-year port, a geeky dining experience, a romantic tapas restaurant, and the best hangover brunch.

I’ve been inspired to read 700+ page books (this one too).  I got seduced into reading Love Letters daily.  I wrote my first proof in this class along with reigniting a deep-seated passion for math.  I know who is Ken Jennings (and I subscribe to his weekly email).  I learned how to row on the Charles, discovered Phantom Gourmet on TV (i.e. porn for your stomach) and geek humor, and found the most beautiful study hall.

Boston is full of inspiring people.  People that push me to be better, to not settle, and to relax into the nerd that I am.  I cultivated a great interest in economics, but not without a dash of computer science & engineering, electrical engineering, neural systems, medicine, finance, marketing, music, biology, philosophy, political science, education, law, psychology and psychoanalysis, and architecture.

Maybe I like Boston after all.  I’m leaving with an appreciation (although not a change in preference) of Dunkin’ Donuts (who can say no to cream-filled donuts?).  I do like pea coats in the winter and Massachusetts beaches for the summer.  I’m surrounded by the brightest minds, even if they frequent my favorite Friday spots too often.  I welcome questions from tourists as I’m eager to share my short cuts and favorite spots.  Although I can still do without the Red Sox fans.

So – Boston, my friends living in Boston, my favorite places in Boston, I will miss you.  You’ve made a profound impact on me and I am forever changed.  I appreciate the time I spent here, and I eagerly look forward to the chance at returning.  I leave here with fantastic memories, sparked ambition, and self assurance.

And, thankfully, I do not leave with a Boston accent.

Rene Magritte, The Return

Please navigate to the “B-con book club” for more information

For those interested and in the Boston area – 6:30 tomorrow at Black Seed Cafe near the Park St Station.  

I intend on posting while reading.  If I don’t, keep me honest!  And, hopefully, a separate page for the book club